Monday, October 16, 2017

Adriel's had his major operation (6 Oct)


#Chubbycheekschu has been injured since birth. It's just something I don't share with most people. It's tough to explain. It's tough to put to words. It's something that's so rare locally. It's something that just hits all the raw nerves. I've not exactly come to terms with it and I guess I may never do so.

He was admitted to KKH in September for a MRI. When we reviewed the results in late September, his doctor decided to operate on him, It was to give him a chance at recovery which would be of low chance if we didn't operate. 6 Oct. Children's Day 2017 but a day nightmares are made of for us. 

I took CCL on Thursday as Adriel needed to be admitted a day prior to his operation.
He was really cheeky and refused to go back to bed after his morning feed.


Ma accompanied us to have him admitted. Not my kind of vacation. 

The nurses had insisted on having a plug set so that 'things are easier'. It hurt to see him poked. I stayed the first night, 1 caregiver can stay with the little one in the hospital. In the regular ward, the caregiver is provided with a pull-out bed.

He fasted since 2am and we were blessed with the presence of Pastor Zhuang who came to pray for us on the morning of his surgery. My brave little warrior. 

I went in with him to the OT. It was intimidating. Once again, I held onto him as he was put under GA. The first time he had his MRI, he went all woozy from the gas and his eyes cried out, "Mummy, what's happening to me? Mummy?"

It was worse this time round cos I saw the OT, equipment and medical team. The image is one that is hard to shake off. The operation took a good 10 hours, slightly longer than predicted. He took a long time to come to too. The sight of him upon exiting the OT observation ward broke our hearts. He is so tiny, so young but yet, he has to go through so much. 

He was sent to the high dependency ward. He had a neck brace, an arm sling, IV plug on his neck and a bandaged leg. How is one to watch their baby go through all this?

He was awarded a certificate! 

Post surgery was HELL. He didn't drink well. I couldn't nurse him. He was fussy. He was angry. He was upset. Hubby stayed the first night with him but there was no pull-out bed in the HD ward. We pretty much slept sitting on a chair. 

It was tough. When I got to the ward after going home to freshen up, #Chubbycheekschu was refusing his milk and crying the ward down. Syringe feeding didn't work either. Our hearts broke and we cried with him. 

Out of desperation we prayed. As if guided by Jesus and his angels, he started drinking from the syringe and then the bottle. From almost starving (not even 10ml) to finishing 140ml in mere minutes. From being restless to finding his newfound strength, he wanted to flip 😐 he wanted to yank out his IV tubes 😐 We had to restraint him but we were thankful for little miracles. 

Though I cannot phantom why God would allow for all this to happen. I question it far too often. 

It helped to go home to sleep and freshen up.

On Day 3, I finally got to carry Adriel, It was overwhelming. It did comfort him... and that, I'm thankful for.

He started being very silly though he was in a lot of pain and was heavily drugged. They had his IV plug removed and transferred to the regular ward.

KKH is pretty happening and fun things happen when I wasn't in the ward. #Daddychu was more impressed than my little boy was. Adriel's appetite was still poor. 

I don't usually allow for him to watch television programmes but he found joy in the ward. LOL. He really concentrates on the screen. He's leaning to sit btw!

We ran out of mittens so I had socks put on his hand. So cute! XD

I was able to nurse him and I was glad that it gave him comfort. I enjoyed not having to pump too. He was getting better but was fussy. We could barely put him on the bed without struggling. He just wanted to be carried. My breastfeeding journey is just one that's so tough IMHO, not that it is easy for any nursing mums. It didn't help that I didn't get as much support as I wish I did. I'm probably at the end of my journey soon..

The ward is indeed an interesting place.. Partying in the middle of the night. Kid being restraint to insert a plug ): subsequently, other babies and children started screaming and crying too. 

When Adriel had his plug and IV removed, he was definitely very very pleased. 

I didn't allow for him to watch television programmes but he found a way out.. by watching his neighbour gorgor's TV programme! XD 

He loves to sleep on his belly and he kept trying to flip. He behaved as if as he didn't have a neck brace on, that his arm wasn't in a sling. 

I made myself a little happier with a MCD happy meal! I had my doctor's appointment and I had my surgery scheduled. Yeah, after Adriel's surgery comes mine. I suffered from a 4th degree tear and need to be fixed. This is all too draining for us. We can only take things 1 step at a time.

On Thursday evening we got discharged. Doctor said that we could go home as soon as we felt comfortable taking care of him at home. This silly baby was so happy to be home. He refused to lie down on the hospital bed unless really forced to. He merrily laid in his bed and gazed at his surroundings. I trimmed his nails and he enjoyed his fingers almost immediately after I cleaned them.

When we got home, his pain wasn't exactly manageable. When it hurt, he'd go to the extent of stretching out his entire body and his toes get all curled up. He'd get so tense and he'd struggle and cry. ): It hurt a lot to see him suffer.  

It does not help that he is a HAMSTER. He has been refusing his meds and we get most of it spat out after he harbours them in his cheeks, despite giving us the illusion that he has swallowed it. 
  
His cheeks were really cute though. He did smile at doctors and nurses in the hospital when he wasn't in that much of pain. 

When his grandma came to visit, he smiled himself silly for her! 

On Saturday, we visited his doctor at his private practice at Gleneagles for a review. His wounds have healed though the scars were AWFUL. I'm gonna do what I can in my power to get the scar be less visible. He's got a scar on his shoulder.. and 1 long one running from the back of his left knee right down to his ankle ):

We were thankful that his doctor did not charge us a consultation fee out of goodwill. I can't wait for him to recover well and review his progress in 2 weeks' time. 

Having been stuck at home for too long.. and at the hospital, we had a nice lunch in town and went window shopping! Adriel looked like he had HUGE BOOBIES >.<
  
He enjoyed being carried and drooling all over me. Doesn't help that he's kinda teething now. Didn't help that our air conditioning wasn't working for the past few days. It broke down. Thankfully, we had it fixed and the house is nice and cool now.

This past week or so has just been really tough. We're thankful for the support of friends and family that have reached out to us. We've been blessed in many ways. I'm just hoping that Adriel recovers well and that we see progress real soon. 

Saturday, September 16, 2017

4 months has been a long time.. #Chubbycheekschu


I've been wanting to blog about my pregnancy but never got around doing so. It was easy in the early stages but it took a toll on my body nearing the last trimester. 

I was aching in the ribs. I was aching in my lower back. I had seriously bad heartburns. I even had early contractions. Even though it was tough, I miss being pregnant 😂 it's a pretty lovely feeling. I miss #Chubbycheekschu's kicks when he was in my belly. His hiccups too! 

It's too much work typing so I'm just gonna let some pictures do their work.






I was really round 😂 


At week 36+4, I woke up pretty weary. I recall telling hubby that I kept feeling like my waterbag was gonna burst the entire night. We were just getting out of bed when I felt a gush of water between my legs. 

My waterbag broke 😂 I recall laughing so much. Well you see, during our checks at Week 36 + 2, Dr Loke told me that he'd likely wanna perform a C-sect on me cos #Chubbycheekschu would be really big by Week 38 since he was already 3.2kg then. 

I kept telling #Chubbycheekschu to come naturally at Week 38, 15th May. I had the inkling that he'd be out on my sister's birthday on the 5th. Well, blocked by my belly, he must as heard it as the 4th 😂 


I took a really lovely shower before heading to Mt A.


I regret not taking my breakfast. I wasn't allowed to eat. I had my happydural soon after settling into the labour ward.

I only gave birth at 8+pm. 

Adriel was so huge at 3.9kg!!!! 
It was a really difficult labour. We did both get injured in the process and are seeking medical treatment.. I'll share once I'm comfortable doing so. It's just too complex.

So anyway I wasn't given any food. They ran out of single wards so I had to share a 2 bedder. Hubby had to go home. I was not prepared for that 😭 I cried the entire night as I was just so hungry having not eaten since the night before and all I was given were crackers. Breakfast the next morning was heavenly.

Hubby came and he carried our baby 😍

I had to maintain my sanity so I showered 😂

Cartoon met Adriel. If only.. 


Proud grandparents 😍

Us 😍

Proud grandparents

 
I stayed for 2 nights but Adriel developed jaundice and could not go home. I stayed 1 night with him. I recall recovery being a bitch. I had a natural birth with forceps. I was given an episotomy but I tore further. The recovery almost killed me 😂

After a couple of days, we got to take Adriel home. 

Daddy's first bottle feed! As Adriel was really huge at birth, he had to be whisked off to be fed formula milk and be monitored for his blood sugar levels. We never got to do skin to skin. I never got to latch him.

Being a FTM who popped 4 weeks early, I felt unprepared for my breastfeeding journey. I wish I knew more. I wish I had insisted on nursing my baby. I expressed my milk religiously but my supply never met Adriel's needs. Being a preemie, his latch was weak. I really should have persisted. I wish I did.

Anyway, I am nursing him now. My supply is still low. I latch him whenever possible and supplement with formula. Many times I've been tempted to stop breastfeeding. But I'm just gonna press on for as long as I possibly can.

I recall how he made us so weary needing to be fed every 2 to 2.5h.

We had a CL but she fell sick before Adriel got home so I sent her home. We didn't have a replacement till a couple of days later. Hubby and I, together with our then helper and mil braved through the first few days of our own. 

The replacement was shitty. Couldn't cook confinement food well. She basically cooked regular dishes for me 😑 She also tasked her job to my helper. My pots were destroyed by her. She offered to go home about the same time I wanted to kick her away. 

She left. We were on our own again.

Our first CL then returned. She cooked better food. However, she was really kampong and there were somethings that we didn't agree to. After all, most CLs have the control of how things are done cos couples are inexperienced. Having been on our own, we knew what worked and what didnt. Sometimes it just didn't agree with her. Coincidentally, she had family matters to see to so she left early. 

I was pretty happy not to have one person to fret over but I then discovered how my kitchen was destroyed by her, the previous CL and my helper. I was devestated. 

It's been 4m and I'm still working on repairs 😂 doesn't help that I kicked my helper home almost a month ago 😂

Anyway.. back to pictures!

Lil bub had to get his tan! 

He loved to wriggle out of his swaddle.

So cheeky 😍

Eyebrows cos his were barely there 😂

I liked how I was his pillow at times.  He's like so GROWN UP at 4mo and doesn't wanna sleep on me anymore 😂

Daddy's first day of returning to work! I'm so thankful for the paternal leave that we have in place.  Having my hubby be around after birth is one of the best things I can ever ask for.



We didn't do a first month bash but we did share some cakes and treats with some relatives.



At 5 weeks old, Adriel caught a flu and cough. His PD gave him meds which I regret feeding. I wish I had gone with my gut feeling and not medicate him. He didn't get better so we took him to KKH where he was warded for observation.

We love our Tula blankets!

He is very expressive. 

At 5wo, I managed to Tula him in our FTG! 



He attended church service in the nursery at 4wo! 

Hubby tula-ed Adriel too!

He sleeps in funny poses.






He has even learned to smile.

Daddy has his priorities right 😂

At 4 months old he can giggle, squeal, babble, flip on his tummy and fart a lot 😂 he loves going out with his mummy and loves to sleep. He generally sleeps through the night 😍

At 4m 1 week old, we had him admitted for his procedure. Seeing him go under GA broke my heart. It's just the beginning of a lot more to come... 

He was so groggy and hungry. How do you expect a baby to fast? 

Thankfully, all was well and we could go home.

He was back to his silly self! 
This journey is gonna be tough. We're just praying for wisdom to understand why what's happening is happening to us. It's a lot to take. At times I feel overwhelmed. Crushed. Defeated. I will share when I'm ready. For now, keep us in prayers. 😍


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